More of a "my life" entry than an events of the world piece that I usually do.

I just don't feel right anymore. I'm fine personally, but I've lost faith in someone important to me. My brother has been on a very poor track lately. He gave up an addiction to marijuana a while back, but he's noticeably back into the habit. He's been arguing more with the family, he comes home stoned (he's moved back in with the family and I notice on my daily visits). He's gone until late hours of the night, and he hasn't actually "hung out" with me like we agreed from 2 months ago.

What really bothers me, is that we weren't just brothers, we were like best friends. We talked together all the time, we'd hang out. Now I feel anger towards him. His disregard for his own well being, his disrespect to everyone he cares about.

He was the tough kid growing up. Getting into fights at school, back to the wall as punishment, principal's office daily. I was always the one who kept his nose clean, bailing him out and tossing my neck out to spring him free. I worry for him. I think he feels I'm still going to bail him out of trouble these days. He's far off the mark. I think he fails to realize, that there are some forms of trouble only he can bail himself out of. Perhaps, this time, he's in too deep. I plan to confront him on the issue and make him make a choice.

I can't believe I've been keeping this in for over a month. Slowly it's eating away at me. With my mother so sick, my grandmother not doing much better.... then there's my own concerns. Why did those results... forget about it. My concerns are easily minimal to everything else around me. I've always been good at "toughing it out" but I think my strength for this is running thin. I may not want to admit it, but one Christine was right.... Toughing it out may clear the problems on the surface, but it doesn't clean the mess made deep down.