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A man he sat upon a wicker chair
Reading through his morning news
Not that anything was important there
But it was the better thing he could choose.

What let this man into simplicity
Twas nothing more than a lack of calling
You see, he's lost all electricity
For all his life was slowly stalling.

His wife had left him, 12 years up in smoke,
The dog he cherished had followed her out
And as they left, she left him flat broke
Forbade him within a wallowing drought.

All she left him was a wicker basket
The house, by right belonged to him
So long he thought this was a casket
That life now became so dark and dim.

But months of pity grew rusty and old
And waking up one day, the man moved on
The house he lived he suddenly sold
And everything he held was quickly gone.

All he took was the basket he had
He dismantled it fully with the utmostcare
Upon finding a hill he sat so sad
As he transformed it into a chair.

"For too long I've lived in the shadow
But finally I can see at long last
And with a twitch of my will and my brow
The pain I've forgotten, it's all in the past!"

That chair it followed him to his new home
Where he set it up nice, quiet alone
Beside a nice table, decored with chrome
And resting behind it a decorative stone.

This chair so long was his prison
Now lives to be his sole salvation
From despair this new form has risen
With it a form of new inspiration.
©2008-2009 ~xSilentOmenx
:iconxsilentomenx:

Author's Comments

I felt my usual work was getting... rusty and old. I wanted to try something different with my poetry and something less.... depressing / romantically involved.

If you haven't picked out the theme, it's about moving on. I personally was moved by this piece, because a LOT of things in my life required just that. It's about holding on to things in the past (the whicker basket) and taking them with you to make for something better / more resourceful (the whicker chair). The man is simply someone who lived his life feeling "poor me" for too long and had enough and did something about it. Powerful to me personally, but I'll let other's judge on that. Please, share with friends and encourage them to critique! I'm open to criticism, especially if it helps me improve (I'm not stupid to think i'm super great at poetry).

Comments


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:iconxsilentomenx:
ha ha, no wonder spell check didn't work, I edited this piece a couple of time. Turns out I had grammar, not spelling issues. Shoulda trusted my gut and used a dictionary for some of those words. Oh well, Ano my grammar "nazi" (self proclaimed, I assure you) will probably have me edit anything I may have missed in a hurry :P

--
An interesting conversation with me and a friend.

Friend: I'm a Master debater and I'd love to get into politics.
Me:........ *refraining from laughing*
Friend:... okay... how about you?
Me:You've inspired me to be a critic!
:iconbleak-and-black:
Grammer tends not to apply in poetry, neither does spelling and it's probably the one place I can handle it; otherwise I tend to be a spelling and grammer nazi.

I got the theme, and the imagery is very skillful (believe me I love the stuff) I find myself asking though, whether the third stanza is meant to be so stilted? It doesn't flow properly and I wondered whether it was deliberate?

There's something very crude about the way it's written, I've seen it in a lot of my early work too (and in a fair amount of all my work actually, I'm not brilliant and don't pretend to be) it makes it sound raw, which I tend to like but maybe in the context of this poem, restraint would sound better.

I like the idea of moving on but, it sounds extremely forced and I find that becomes a downfall in poetry, it can't sound contrived otherwise it doesn't work.

Just trying to be constructive though in readin this I sound like a complete know-it-all. Please forgive me!

--
[link]

98% of Deviants cannot tell the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you're one of the 2% that wants to punch 'em on the nose, paste this into your sig.
:iconxsilentomenx:
Yeah, this was actually stepping out of my element. This piece was my first attempt on scenario as opposed to emotional piece.

--
An interesting conversation with me and a friend.

Friend: I'm a Master debater and I'd love to get into politics.
Me:........ *refraining from laughing*
Friend:... okay... how about you?
Me:You've inspired me to be a critic!
:iconxsilentomenx:
now that I read it, yes I did deliberately make that part of the poem of kilter. I felt that the imbalance would distort the view of theme of the poem. I didn't want the concept that it was going to turn sad being relevant.

The poem itself is quite cheerful, so the irregularity of that stanza seems intentionally out of place. I'm too used to sticking to a theme and a specific emotion (certain paces seem to fit different emotions). Sad seems to drag out, as if to clench the sympathy of the one reading. Cheery is to give that more... subtle quick thought of content times. At least, that's what I kept in mind writing it.

--
An interesting conversation with me and a friend.

Friend: I'm a Master debater and I'd love to get into politics.
Me:........ *refraining from laughing*
Friend:... okay... how about you?
Me:You've inspired me to be a critic!
:iconbleak-and-black:
It was a pretty good beginning but, emotion tends to creep into it. I don't think it should be written with to much considering you were after a scenario rather than an emotional piece.

--
[link]

98% of Deviants cannot tell the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you're one of the 2% that wants to punch 'em on the nose, paste this into your sig.
:iconxsilentomenx:
well, no matter what, emotion gets into it, since everything in life is connected to emotional response. However, I was at odds with this piece myself. It was a first shot out of what I'm used to doing. It won't be my last (already made a more narrative moral based piece). I'm actually finding it a little fun. I'm going to make bad pieces, everyone does starting at something new... but I think i'll get the hang of it soon enough.

I do hope to see more critique / criticism (take the good and the bad) on future pieces. It's nice to have creative input to get better.

--
An interesting conversation with me and a friend.

Friend: I'm a Master debater and I'd love to get into politics.
Me:........ *refraining from laughing*
Friend:... okay... how about you?
Me:You've inspired me to be a critic!
:iconbleak-and-black:
Well it's very well done, but I find if you're trying to convey happiness making things stilt stops it. Happier feeling flows whilst the stiltedness makes it seem confused.

But then considering the content, it does work. Just makes you have to read it again to work it out.

--
[link]

98% of Deviants cannot tell the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you're one of the 2% that wants to punch 'em on the nose, paste this into your sig.
:iconbleak-and-black:
Well you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. It'll be nice to have a regular critique.

Certainly, none of us are brilliant at first pieces and I'd love to see improvement in your work; quite possibly one of the most satisfying things, to see progress.

I actually like how jumpy this was, it doesn't quite flow but it fits in really well with the ideas, themes and content. True about emotion, though I find learning to step outside of the scenario works very well in favour. Not very often I manage it, but it works very well when I can.

--
[link]

98% of Deviants cannot tell the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you're one of the 2% that wants to punch 'em on the nose, paste this into your sig.
:iconxsilentomenx:
making a reader take a second look is always an interesting way to keep something alive. Like many movies, you can't always pick it out on the first try. Still, I have a strong disappointment with it as it doesn't fully give the effect I intended it to.

--
An interesting conversation with me and a friend.

Friend: I'm a Master debater and I'd love to get into politics.
Me:........ *refraining from laughing*
Friend:... okay... how about you?
Me:You've inspired me to be a critic!

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January 6, 2008
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